i haven't been here much—i don't know that anyone is out there anymore. but i got a call today from an old friend named phil who found me on 4q and gave me a call. it i was so happy to hear from him and that he is doing well and that in turn made me think of ye ol blog. i thought it might be time for an update... and possibly a good deal of deleting.
i look back (or at least think- i'm too tired to actually browse through my months of depression on here) and see a very different woman. man i was a mess. i am delighted beyond words to say, that woman has gone away—forever i hope. i've had two glasses of wine at this point, so i can't promise eloquence (like you'd expect it) but let me just say this—no matter how shitty things are, they do get better. and my how they have.
for starters, i had a wonderful group of friends—both known and unknown—who crawled out of the wood-work to remind me that i was loved. it was a start. i muddled my way through therapy—found a great one, so actually i can't say muddled—he whipped my ass into shape—and before you knew it i was looking back on the year past thinking 'why?'.... and was eager to move on.
shortly after that & yet much sooner than i anticipated i met a wonderful man—or rather, re-met him. it happened on my 38th birthday and he changed my course forever. we had worked together in the past, lost contact and then out of nowhere—there he was.
just over a year later, we are married. i have never been happier in my life or closer to anyone—EVER. it's a strange, wonderful feeling. and a feeling i have never felt the need to question once. that is what makes it so surreal to me. i don't really know what else to write at the moment so i won't force it. but maybe i will come back here more often and try something new—writing about the contentment and feeling of finally making out of that deep, dark hole i feel. it seems like that deserves so many words than any of the i have endured.
thank you donald for completely changing my life.
and thank you phil for calling me out of the blue and reminding me this place existed.