Friday, July 27, 2007

and people say watching tv doesn't rot your brain.

(35 seconds inside heather's brain while she picked at her skin in front of the bathroom mirror 5 minutes ago.)

"was there ever an episode of happy days where joni got all butched up & hung out with leather tuscadero's bike gang only to realize 25 minutes into the show that wasn't the life path she wanted to follow? quick visons of joni handing over a frindged & spangled leather ensemble in the cunningham's living room, giving one final double thigh slap & thumbs up 'quatro style' as leather heads out the door, music rolls, cut to jukebox, roll end credits.

no, i don't think there was, it was probably just a dream. suzi was the shit. squiggy was cute- i would have done him when i was 8. i wonder what shirley is doing now? i saw her on some 'where are they now' like 10 years ago. she was hocking clothes for paraplegics. quick release/easy access stuff with velcro instead of buttons & zippers. i wonder if she was the wunderkind behind the exploding stripper attire oh-so popular in the 90's that was fashioned entirely of polyester satin & velcro? more importantly i wonder what really came first: paraplegics or whores? what if she was really just designing chippendale costumes & got sick of having to stop mid-'pull away pants' fitting to take her semi-paralyzed mother to the bathroom? and now she plays it all off like she's some saint who wants nothing more than to give people with disabilities (what's the politically correct term now? i can't keep up. big brother should announce updates via loudspeaker throughout the nation) some of their dignity back. she always was a little too goody goody for my liking. did she ever end up marrying that guy? what was his name? he was always dancing. mama always said: never marry a man who can dance better than you.

i think there WAS an episode of happy days where joni goes over to the dark side. i wonder if the writers intended for leather to come across as such a lesbo? nobody could make a cream leather cat suit & feathered hair scream 'i like'em with tits' quite like she did. she was totally the fonz's beard.

why am i just realizing this now? it changes so much of my childhood in retrospect.

fuck i'm bleeding.

carmine! that was his name."

Sunday, July 22, 2007

little boys

this afternoon i decided i would sneak off by myself (naturally) and go see the harry potter movie. think what you like, i am a potter fan and at 35 i am not above plunking my ass down in a theater solo when the mood strikes. 'cool' ceased to exist in my life long ago and it has been quite liberating.

despite the fact that we had an entire row to ourselves- two little boys around the age of 8 sat right next to me. they had been dropped off and gaging from their excitement- this was a MONUMENTAL deal. during the 15 minutes of previews they took 'fidget' to a whole new level and i was beginning to wonder if maybe i should move. fidgetters make me fidgety.

but the film began and they settled down, sort of.... they were totally into the movie and it was pretty funny to watch. the nurturing mama in me was half paying attention to the movie, half enraptured at how innocent and adorable these little guys were. i don't remember the last time i was so excited about a movie. star wars maybe?

and then, during the big battle scene when sirious black dies and all hell breaks loose the youngest, who was sitting next to me, grabbed onto my arm in abject terror. at first i wasn't sure what to do- but then i was like 'what am i going to do shake off some terrified kid??... just go with it.' and patted his hand reassuringly. when it was all over and order had been restored to hogwarts he unclenched his iron grip from my arm and whispered 'thanks'. it was the sweetest thing i have encountered in... a really long time.

if men stayed that age forever the world would be a very different place.

Monday, July 09, 2007

"haud muto factum"

uthose words will be burned into the lining of my stomach always.
and all i am left with is 'i'm sorry'.
which means absolutely nothing now.

-nothing happens by being mute-

Tuesday, July 03, 2007


detached ambivalence is the new adoration