Monday, August 23, 2004


a new book
fabric for the skirts, dresses, tops & purses i am making
a new sofa
more more more dresses & skirts & shoes
a back rub

but oh well.... i suppose i can swing the soup at least.

i'm tired. i drank a glass of pepsi last night around 8 & couldn't fall asleep until 2:30.
watched 21 grams & marveled at how only benecio del toro can look totally HOT rambling about jesus in a members only jacket (which he seems to wear in EVERY movie- i wonder if it's just HIS & he wears it around town too??) he's kindof chubby. i'm in love with his round little belly & shaggy hair... i just want to give him a bath & feed him. hahhaha.

uneventful weekend as usual... made a halter top. it's a bit rough around the edges- but for a first attempt it's really quite cute.
it seems to be fairly popular with the masses too. yesterday i was wearing it while i ran some errands & as i rode down the street this car sort of slowed as it passed & i hear 'my boy WANTS you'...i get about 10 lame ass comments a day so i try to just ignore them but the 'my boy' part seemed a bit out of place... i looked over & much to my surprise i was faced with a 40 year old woman & her 20 something son & his friends.
first of all, i am always a bit amazed at the moronic behavior of men who feel the need to declare publicly their admiration for any or all body parts. what i want to know is... has ANYONE IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND ever actually scored a date by shouting 'nice tits' to a chick walking down the street? (a date that didn't cost them $50/hour anyway)
second of all... when did moms start picking up chicks for their sons????
i don't get it. just seems sort of strange.
as for the whole cat calling thing- there have been times when i have found myself thinking... 'nice nose' or 'hmm.. i want to sit on that lap' but it has NEVER occurred to me to yell it at the top of my lungs... & to what purpose? i really don't think i would have much interest or respect for someone who was pathetic enough to be enticed by such paltry, shallow attention.
and as for myself- i happen to be one of those people that suffers a great deal of discomfort & shyness when all eyes are directed on me. screaming about my boobs (which aren't really much to look at in the first place) in front of an outdoor cafe with 20 people eating is in no way complimentary nor does it make me feel 'good about myself'.... i want to crawl under the nearest shrub & wait for the lunch time crowd to finish.
but anyway- i digress... the whole mom pimping for her son thing was really odd. i used to think i was pretty laid back about sex & stuff. but lately i am just so over the completely inappropriate & desperate behavior of apparently almost everyone. i mean i love fun, dirty animal sex as much as the next pervo- but there is a time & place for everything. why is EVERYONE a fucking whore or pig? there is something to be said for being a compassionate & emotional human being who can actually muster something more than 'fucking' from time to time. i don't think anyone like that exists anymore. maybe my mom just didn't get me enough dates as a kid???

oh well, it isn't like i will probably have sex again for years to come so my desire to wake up next to someone i actually enjoy talking to is really a moot point all things considered. i'm so over having shitty sex anyway & god knows there certainly aren't any prospects for anything but that around here. am i the weirdo? i guess so.

what the fuck am i even rambling about? i totally don't want to work today & it is manifesting itself in pointless babble (like i know any other sort)


actually, laziness got the better of me & i ended up at the 'bon air market' a.k.a. 'the cat pee market'... aptly named for its rather intense incense aroma that can only be meant as a cover up for the cat pee stench that you know is lurking just below the surface.

i decided that since i am currently lacking in hobbies my next activity will be to try all of the hostess products. today i have twinkies. i'm a bit apprehensive.. but what the hell

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

fat rats

i just remembered a dream i had last night.. it was so cute. i dreamed i found a classified ad selling obese rats. they were 6" in diameter & so round their feet didn't really touch the ground they just rolled. according to the ad they 'had difficulty running around due to their size- but were loving, happy mice who loved to eat & cuddle'... & then somehow i ended up with them.... & they were like furry grapefruits with cute little ears & beedy black eyes....ohhhhhhhh! i want fat mice!!! god they were cute.

Sunday, August 15, 2004

weariness has laid its foundation

birth & death are easy.
living is the hard part.
i keep looking for a reason why i even bother & i am coming up empty.
laziness i guess- there is so much i would have to take care of first
who has the time?

Saturday, August 07, 2004

make it go away

usually i'm not a total pussy but this has me acting like a total girl. i was sitting in bed reading when i noticed the dishwasher seemed to sound very.... 'spilling water' it always makes noise when it drains into the sink so i didn't think about it too much.. then i noticed it seemed pretty loud so i went into the kitchen only to realize that my dishwasher had totally exploded water all over my kitchen... & i had sat in bed for 5 minutes listening to it. many towels later i had it wiped up. i noticed that the little cap for the thingy that shoots the water into the sink was turned & that was probably why the water had gone all over my kitchen instead of down the drain. i righted it around, turned on the dishwasher again & retired once again to my book. 5 min later i hear the water again... so i run into the kitchen & sure enough.. water all over the counter. pull off the cap & much to my HORROR... totally trapped in the contraption is this spider that is the size of a golf ball. legs wiggling- ugh.... it's horrifying. i have no idea how to get it out- i really don't want to fuck with it. i have these long tweezers that i tried pulling it out with but it totally got all wiggly & i nearly jumped through the roof.
i swear - i am not a wuss... but i really don't dig spiders (why couldn't it be a snake??????) & this one seems especially pissed off.... AND BIG. i feel like barfing just thinking about it. i totally ran out of my kitchen squealing like a cheerleader & now all i can do is peer around the corner & see if it's legs are still moving. i'm so ashamed of myself. i have no idea why this has me so freaked out.. it's just a big huge spider trapped in my dishwasher drain... but i am freaked out to even go in my kitchen now. i'm having a little episode i think. i don't know what to do.. on one hand i wish it would just work its way out on by itself.. on the other... i would sort of like to make sure it finds the way outside & not into my bed. or sock drawer.
god it is soooooo big. fuck. why can't i have a boyfriend? they are supposed to take care of these things.


well it took awhile but i finally had to suck it up & take care of the critter myself. it required me donning industrial rubber gloves, a big pair of pliars & 12" surgical tweezers. i managed to pry off the drainage cap, capture the beast & ran squealing onto my front porch (in my little nightgown) where i tossed it over the railing & down onto the driveway... luckily not on anyone.

god it was terrible.. it was BEHEMOUTH! i was so exhausted i had to take an hour long nap. ugh. i hate spiders. nothing over 6 legs!

Monday, August 02, 2004

i smell like heaven today.

i look like hell- but smell really good. eyes are puffy, nose hurts from blowing it on rough tissue, hormones & stress haven't been kind to my 'healthy glow' (did i ever have one i wonder?)
however i smell divine. i wish i could just stay home, crawl into bed naked, curl up into a nice soft skin little ball & go to sleep for the rest of the day.
maybe in a few hours